Thursday, May 8, 2008

D League - Day of the Underdogs

The obvious picks for this week's games would be the favorites of B & B and 11 to 7, but let me breakdown why this will not be the case this evening.

Cup Vs. B & B
Sure Cup got beat by double digits last week. Yes, they had no goals for their team. All of this is a cat & mouse game to make other teams over confident. Goalie for Cup, Storm asked me the other day, "Do you really think I would have that many scored against me? I did it on purpose to get my team fired up and the other teams to think we are really bad." Gutierres & Compton both agreed that it worked. "I think our team formed a new bond after that game. Now we are determined to show the league we deserve to repeat as champs." Pedersen & Seiler added, "We both did Joe's camp on Monday and it taught us how to skate circles around the competition." With the new motivation, I just hope they have mercy on their opposition and not try to embarrass the other teams. After hearing all this talk, B & B Public Relations manager Mark Harpenau responded, "It is not our team's style to try and make other teams look foolish, but tonight, we will make an exception." The B & B team went through a tough first year last season not winning very many. This year, with the aide of off-ice training, physical therapy & motivational speeches by Liz Bryant before each game, the team believes its their destiny to win every game from here on out. I would typically pick the B & B team here to win by many, but inside information has caused me to go a different route. Youngsters Jerimiah Johnson & Colby Kessler are extremely irritated with their team. "Just because we don't have hockey playing kids doesn't make us bad people" sobbed Johnson. "They treat us like we have a disease not realizing that we are the best players on this team." This tension will become even more evident today as Johnson & Kessler play with pillows under their jerseys in an attempt to "act pregnant with child" to try and fit in. Cup by 2

Alien Vs. 11 to 7
Alien had no goals last week and they go against a team that scored 12 goals last game. 11 to 7 Team Captain Anonson has gone to extremes to get his team prepared. Some of the things he has implemented for his players include:
- Players had to quit their jobs and be full time adult league players
- Players are all housed in dorms on a compound that Anonson bought and modified for his team.
- On-Ice practice begins at 5:30 am at the private rink in the compound.
- Culinary experts Gardner & Miller prepare specialized meals
- Goalie Kinzie is tied to a tree daily and pelted with pucks for 45 minutes each morning to make him immune to fear, pain & the occasional groin shot.

All this structured lifestyle has been spearheaded by Insurance Giant & Billionaire David Green. Green owns 11 to 7 Insurance and the team as well. His funding of the compound and team is a high price to pay but worth it according to Green. "Its all about the Trainer's Trophy" proclaimed Green. "We are the NY Yankees of Adult League Hockey and will do whatever it takes to put a winning product on the ice."

This should make 11 to 7 the pick for not only this week's game, but for the entire season, but there is an X factor...and his name is Tony Hansen. For those of you who do not know Tony "The Goalie" Hansen of Alien, let me explain. The man is not human and I consider him the Rocky Balboa of adult league. He goes up against the "Dragos" or "Apollos" of the league and stands toe-to-toe with them. Tony can be seen jogging every morning around Gray's Lake in goalie gear. After 10 laps, he swims the width of the lake, again in his pads. He does not swim with his stick as he feels that give him a paddling advantage and would be cheating.

Once he arrives home, a 14 raw egg protein shake becomes his energy drink. Then to video. Watching 3 hours worth of Hasek, Roy, Brodeur & old school Esposito video, he simulates all moves in his living room. After most goaltenders would be done after all this, Tony's workout is not complete. Waiting for the 5 PM rush our, Tony stands in the middle of I-235 dodging the cars racing past at speeds of 75+ MPH. "It really helps me work on reflex timing" said Hansen. "The occasional car that clips me is good and simulates players bumping into me. I just gotta focus and recover quick." Its this dedication that has me choosing the underdog in this match. Can't wait for Tony to yell at the end of the game..."Yooo Stephanie....I DID IT!" Alien by 1

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