Turkey Tourney 2010 Teams

Since we are trying to get our own Adult League Reality Show, I thought it only fitting to represent each team with the best Reality Shows out there. So I present to you the 2010 Turkey Tourney Rosters, teams & colors.

Black - Project Runway
Jeff Mau
Anne Wiltgen
Paul Wiltgen
Sergey Gorelik
Bill Goodman
Austin Dagenais
Brendan McCallum

Purple - Girls Next Door

Tony Hansen
Andrew Cleary
Neal Cleary
Lyle Danielson
Richard Huyck
Ryan Stout
Andrew Lee

Burgundy - Jersey Shore
Todd Daniels
Chris Herzberg
Joe Henson
Todd Brekke
Adam Lowell
Aaron Clutts
Jake Anonson

Sky Blue - Miami Ink
Ryan Pitre
Jeremy Knipper
Anne Huyck
Todd Bentzen
Mike Fascian
Scott Anderson
Bryan Bane

Gold - Flavor of Love
Aaron Storm
Ross Halverson
Will Ries
Jay Halverson
Corey Halverson
John Evans
Jeff Dayton

Green - The Biggest Loser
Rich Pentico
Brad Dean
Brett Jobgen
Dave Natale
Mike Beede
Dave Green
Tony Toigo

Pink - American Idol
Steve Wheeler
Jon Young
Nic Meyer
Eric Meyer
Jim Goeke
Dave Gannon
Laura Stein

Red - Top Chef
Mr. Anonymous
John Hoekstra
Josh Feathers
Darren Stout
Matt Johnson
David Ross
Joe Bafia

Should be a blast with first game starting at 5:45. See you all there!

After the event ends, we are all heading to Walmart for the Black Friday Specials that begin at Midnight!

Goalie's Union Stands Firm

With the 3 on 3 Turkey Tourney fast approaching, I was reviewing my list of registered players and noticed that although the player spots were almost full, there were many goalie spots remaining. As a courtesy, I sent out a blast email to the goalies I know to remind them of this event. Rather than get a bunch of registrations, I received an email that stated:

Are you short net minders? You know...we do have a union.

At first, panic set in and I feared that this Goalie unionization could threaten not only the tourney, but also the league, pay & plays and even stick & pucks. After a few minutes of deep reflection, I came to another realization.....We don't need goalies.

Let me break it down a couple of ways. How bad could not having goalies really be? Here are all the positive impacts to our sport if we did away with goalies.

• Ice time - If a team chose to leave an open net, by rule (NHL Section 2 Rule 5.3), they can skate a 6th player. This allows us players to skate more and get more bang for our buck.


• Locker room - A goalie typically takes up the same amount of locker room space as 2.75 players. By not having a goalie, the players have more room to spread out in an already crowded environment.


• Excuses - With every goal scored, players are bombarded with reasons from the goaltender as to why the goal was scored. Less discussion with the goalie would create a faster flow to the game.


• Stats - Utilizing a "Shooter Tutor" as a goalie would bring the game scores to more realistic levels. With the goalies in our league, teams are forced to play a 1-4 style of hockey (1 offense and 4 defense to protect the poorly skilled netminders).


• Emails - 91% of all emails in our league come from goalies. Suggestions to the commissioner about reducing net size down to 2' high x 4' wide and allowing 2 goalies in net at once could be eliminated. Emails from goalies to their teammates about how they can play better defense, not screen the goalie or even to score at least 11 goals since the team's GAA is 10 could be eliminated and not clutter our inboxes.


• Stress - The worry we all have prior to every game regarding the attendance of our goalie could be eliminated. The attitude of "you need me more than I need you" every time they stroll in to the locker would be a faint memory.


• Practice time - Our warm up time is very short to begin with. We only get 5 minutes to stretch, warm up our legs, talk to our buddies on the other team and prepare our lines. Currently, we spend 4 minutes of this time waiting to warm up our goalie who is busy scraping a crease that he/she is going to be flailing around in. They stretch out in a butterfly position that they will never use in a game, point to the player they want a shot to come from, and after allowing 9 of 10 shots into the net, they skate away as if to say "I don't need any more practice."
  

As you can see, I do not believe the goalie's union has a skate to stand on. Heck, they usually can't stand on both skates. I'm sure goalies would love to provide a rebuttal to my argument above. Knowing this, I have already prepared what their "reasons" would be as to why they are beneficial, needed and important.

"We need to play for free" - Goalies do not get charged for adult league. They claim that the amount of money spent on their gear justifies this fee exemption. Have you ever seen what some of our goalies wear? Unless your Bishop or Anderson, most of these goalies have owned this gear for 20+ years. They spent $300 on it back in the 80s and now its value is less than Justin's West's gloves. The free ride should be over.

"Its much better to shoot on a real goalie" - If by real you mean erratic and inconsistent, then I say "no thanks". A "real" goalie saves more than 50% of the shots they face. A "real" goalie who plays the puck in the corner can usually get back into their net under 5 minutes.

"The goalies stand united in our union movement" - No they don't. Ben Hudson of Puck Hawgs realized that goalies were probably on their way out and made the switch to player for this season. Scott Anderson was smart enough to sign up for the Turkey Tourney...as a player. Shane Bast of Alien Vegas realized he wasn't needed (or wanted) anymore and decided to try his luck by moving to Texas. The Alien team then scraped the bottom of the barrel to find the only non-union goalie and brought on Lisa Nissen who had no team to begin with. Even goaltending great Blaine Barker knew this day would come and left the net (and the union) to take on a profession that might be the only thing worse than a goalie and became a ref.

"The goalies in Des Moines are the highest quality" - If Rich Pentico spent 1/2 as much time on practicing as he does on attending Eagles concerts and selling 50/50 tickets, he may be a mediocre D League goalie. Kacy Reeves would make a great high quality break dancer based on his back spins and doing the "worm" in his crease. Dan Bishop is a solid netminder....so solid, we only let him play 66% of our games. If we put both him and Lisa in net at the same time WITH a shooter tutor behind them, their save percentage may get to 85%. Tony Hansen for Funky Pickle?...enough said on that one. Justin Hillock of Hawgs is too busy flossing his pearly whites during games to focus on his surroundings. Players from Irwins have a scheduled rotation as to who goes out to Todd Daniels house to let the air out of his tires in hopes of him not making it. Jeff Mau still brags about his D League Championship win last season, but always leaves out the score of 23-22. Scott Anderson might be the best goalie in our league, and he's only here because the C League at MISF didn't want him, there was no room for a 3rd string goalie on the squirt youth hockey team, and even the participants of stick & pucks would ask him to leave the ice.

So whether it's a wooden board, plastic tutor or a 6th skater, goalies are replaceable. The goalies have no case or bargaining ability with the league, and should be content with their opportunity to play ..... for now. So to all the goalies, I give you one last reminder to sign up for the Turkey Tourney.....as it may be a last opportunity to play.

Come Out to the BBQ This Afternoon

Today at 4 pm at Bucs Arena, there is an old fashioned Hawg Roast. Irwins is supplying the cooking supplies and BBQ equipment , while the Hawgs will be the main course. No vegetarian plate available.

Irwins by 3.

Hockey Unites Us

Each week, I hear more and more players referring to our league as a "family" and not individual teams. Although hockey appears to be a rough competitive sport on the surface, the players have a deep respect for one another on the ice. Often, you can hear players apologizing to their opponent when they score a goal, or informing the referee that they committed a penalty and send themselves to the box. Its acts like these that separate us from other barbaric sports like Kubb, adult rec boxing and baseball.

This week's upcoming battles may seem like deep rooted rivalries, but in reality they are groups of players that have a deep love for one another.


Alien Hockey Vs. Puck Hawgs

These 2 teams may appear like water & oil on the ice, but the reality of it is they are marketing geniuses. The 2 groups have teamed up to create a novelty empire that can be compared to Lucasfilms. Through a joint effort of merging the Alien & Hawgs themes, they have created a variety of avenues to generate a significant revenue streams to allow all players to play hockey full time and never work again.

Seen here is the brainchild of art guru Aaron Clutts (Alien) and Rick Kavan (Hawgs). Together, they have created a logo that will be worn by millions.
Krultz, Hudson & Bartak of the Hawgs are all graduates of M.I.T (Muscatine Institute of Toys). After completing the rigorous 4 week Toy Certification degree, they combined their efforts with the creative forces of LeFleur, Fascian & Knipper of Alien to develop a line of toys that will not stay on the shelves this Holiday season. The Combo Alien/Hawg Character set will retail for $69.99 and is already being compared to the Cabbage Patch Kid dolls as far as popularity.

With a logo and toys comes the only next logical step. A summer blockbuster film. The film is titled "Hawg Cop" and was written by the LePera Family of the Puck Hawgs. The story revolves around a Waukee Cop played by Mark Dylo of Alien (seen in the leather jacket below) as he is assigned a partner who happens to be a Hawg stranded in Iowa from another planet. The Hawg Cop is played by Oscar winning Will Koch (Hawgs). In the scene below, Dylo & Koch chase down a high school bully through the hallways of Valley HS. Movie is set for release in Summer 2011.

In an effort to bring this marketing venture full circle, the Aliens Pig comic series is being launched. With artwork done by Bishop, Haynes & Keller of Alien and a storyline that will take you to the edge of your seat by the famous Russian Fairy Tale writer, Dudechenko, this is a must have for any child. Only available at Cup O' Kryptonite or Amazon.com.

Cup O Kryptonite Vs. Irwins

For the last 18 years, Bill Goodman (Irwins) and Matt Johnson (Cup O K) have been best friends. You can see them strolling around Grayslake together on Saturday afternoons, or catching a Friday night movie and doing some Salsa dancing. These two teams have no bad blood with each other and are always a pleasure to watch.

Seen here is Matt's signature "Irwins Cappuccino" drink. This delicious beverage can be enjoyed on Wednesdays just before league games for $3.99.

Here, the Kryptonite team helps prevent Justin William's (Irwins) Bike from getting stolen.

The beauty of the Irwins team is that they all work together. Edgington, Goeke & the Hrabaks all on a design team while Johnson, Massa & Lasnek handles the sales. Maxwell, Place & the Radcliffs do all the repairs. Rech, Seeback & Wheeler handle customer service while nobody really knows what Justin Williams does. This group collectively designed the 2 bike below for Matt Johnson's shop to help him broaden his business.

Seen here is latest Irwins creation for Cup O K. With Scott Kundel at the controls, this 3 wheeler comes fully equipped with a 2 head Espresso station, biscuit warmer, shaded canopy and 4 speeds. Now Matt can provide his coffee to the masses as he drives his luxurious ride down Hickman Road. Next, they will look for a way to incorporate comic sales on one of these contraptions.

Funky Pickle Vs. YDD Tattoo.

The Pickle team has one common bond between their players...their love for the Pickle. Make no mistake about this passion as they snack on these strange food items before games and fill their water bottles with the juices of this odd looking food.

To share this great love, the team decided to present one of the pickles from their private collection to the Voodoo team. Here we can see Caleb Harrelson (Voodoo) holding the mammoth pickle given to the team.

To return the favor, Koenig (Voodoo) offered the his services to the Funky Pickle team and they had an opportunity to get "inked" at no charge by the famous tattoo artist himself. Unfortunately, Dan broke both of his hands in a terrible accident and was unable to provide his services. As Koenig's teammates Caleb & Wolf were lowering the prized pickle on to a table for the team to enjoy, it slipped from their grasp and crushed Koenig's hands. The Voodoo team was devastated and decided to make this event into a positive. They all stepped up and volunteered to do the tattoos themselves.

Here we see the intricate artwork of Sergey Kokaz (Voodoo) on the buttocks of Patrick Cashman (Pickle). Notice the cool use of Converse shoes and non-filtered cigarette.

While the tattooing was going on, newly recruited Pickle player, Tony Dressen was seen promoting the team at the 108th Annual Pickle Palooza Event in Norwalk, IA

When Monty Brown (Voodoo) learned that Dave Ross (Pickle) was a huge Peanuts fan, he had the perfect idea. Why not incorporate the two significant details of Ross's life into one beautiful arrangement. Well done Monty.

Shon McDonough (Voodoo) had the pleasure of designing something that would be a terrific addition to Dave Swift's (Pickle) already art filled body. He knew that Dave had a large handle-bar moustache back in the day, and wanted to "bring back the memories". I'm sure all will agree that the finished product was flawless. The addition of the "Oh Herro" was a nice touch as well.

Team captain, Matt Whitaker (Voodoo) wanted to do something special as well. He took the opportunity to work on Funky Pickle's captain, Tony Hansen. "I wanted him to know how we felt about his team", stated Whitaker. "I hope he loves it." Tony was very emotional after receiving his tattoo that echoed his nickname "The Pickle".

There you have it. 6 teams on the ice that look like they want to kill each other and win at all costs, but truly have a significant bond with a personal story behind each player and team.

Getting To Know You

The D League is in full swing with many newcomers to the sport. Some may think that these new players to the sport are all top athletes, or youngsters or even a bit crazy...but in reality the players are normal just like you & me.

In an effort to highlight some of these players, I did a few interviews asking them some questions. Here are their stories.

Dave Natale

Why did you start playing hockey? I was eating dinner with Sidney Crosby one night and he thought I'd be a good player. I told him he was probably right and I thought I'd give it a try. The A League was full and Sundays worked pretty good for me.

What is your favorite part of playing hockey? I really enjoy the cold ice. I like it so much that I lay on the ice quite a bit. Some think that I'm falling down because I don't skate very well, but I drop to the ice on purpose just to feel that cool sensation all over my body.

What position do you play? Either corner back, or linebacker. I'm pretty flexible with that since I'm the best player on my team. It allows the others to try different positions. I could even play goalie if I wanted to, but that position is way too easy (you don't even need to know how to skate).

Any advice you can give to new players? Don't give up and don't try to be as good as me. It doesn't make sense to have such high expectations and never attain your goal. Rather, go out and have fun. Skate around in circles and fall down every once in awhile, its ok.

Ann Huyck

Why did you start playing hockey? I got kicked off the HS wrestling team, chess team & Peace Club. I was always looking to start fights and they did not tolerate that in school. I figured hockey would give me an opportunity to lay someone out.

What is the toughest thing about playing hockey? The car ride to the rink and the car ride home. My dad thinks he knows everything. "Break the puck out of your zone faster", "Don't get caught too deep in their zone", "blah blah blah" is all he says. Have you ever seen him play? He shouldn't talk.

What equipment brands do you wear? Whoever pays me the most. I had a sponsorship with RBK, but after they dumped all their money into that Crosby kid, they didn't want to pay me what I felt I was worth. Whatever. I know Easton and Bauer will come crawling soon and even Gatorade called my agent the other day.

Do you wear make up when you play? You think that's a funny question? I can let you use my makeup to cover up the black eye and bruises I'll give you if you step on the ice.

Any advice to new players trying out the sport? Yes. Stay out of my way when I'm on the ice. It will be more fun for new players to skate around, shoot the puck and try and score when it doesn't involve me. My suggestion is to just give me the puck if you're playing against me.

Jon Young

Why did you get into playing hockey? I was extremely addicted to watching TV. I could not get enough Desperate Housewives, Days of Our Lives & The View. I only slept 2 hours a night and the doctor told me I had to do something or I would need serious medical attention. As I left the doctor and started crossing the street, I was almost hit by a Zamboni. It was like a sign from above.

Do you know others that play the sport? I didn't at first, but I've now made a ton of friends. Actually, Dan Zahn, Chris Pauli, Bryan Bane & Sara Keller are all now my roommates. We bought a 2 bedroom house just 4 blocks from Bucs Arena. We made a pact to not buy a television and spend our waking hours doing dryland training

What's your most memorable moment during a game? Once I was skating with the puck as fast as I could and lost an edge and fell. Quickly, I recovered and regained the puck . Then I did this out of control 360 degree spin and while falling again, swung at the puck and it went in. It didn't matter to me that this was just during warm ups and that there was no goalie in the net, it still felt good.

What advice would you give a new player? Don't watch too much TV, eat too much toast, or wear anything with the color red. If a stranger asks you to tie their shoe, politely say that you have to go to the hardware store. Should you forget your hockey stick at home, it's not a good idea to use a toilet plunger as a replacement. Keep your head up, your stick down & your mouth shut.

Sarah Lumbrezer

How did you get involved in hockey? My ancestors were at one of the very first hockey games ever. Players did not wear gear and only used skates & sticks. One game, my great-great-great-great grandfather witnessed a player constantly falling on his butt. He ran to his car and got some cardboard, dish sponges and newspaper. During the intermission, he grabbed that player and shoved all that stuff into the player's pants. The protection this offered was superior and all players wanted the same thing. Thus, the "Lumbrezer" was invented (know simply known as Breezers). I was busy running the family business and never had a chance to play until now.

If you could change one thing about hockey, what would it be? I would like to see 2 goalies in each net. Currently, it's so easy to score in our league. Any shot on net will almost always go in and scores of 94-87 are for basketball not hockey.

What makes you a good hockey player? Back in 2004, I did 4 years of hard time at Mitchellville Correctional for Women. Every day was a battle. Whether it was other women trying to take my dinner, or someone trying to lift my smokes, I had to fight to survive. This gave me some thick skin and allowed me to take on any challenge...even hockey.

How do you feel about the league being co-ed? I think it's great. The women in the league try hard to make the guys feel like they belong. We won't pressure them as much during scrimmage and this allows them to stickhandle a little longer. We realize that they are not as skilled as we are, but we accommodate since they don't have an "E" League yet.

Well there you have it. Some bits of info to make the D League a bit more personal and not as intimidating. Stop on out any Sunday at 2:30 PM at Bucs Arena to watch these players show their stuff. All we ask is that you don't ask for autographs until AFTER the players are changed and ready to leave.

What Do You Get When....

There are things in this world that go great together.

Chocolate & Peanut Butter
McDonald's Fries & a Coca Cola
The Blackhawks & the Stanley Cup

On the flip side, there are certain things that when you combine them, do not go over as well. Take for example the C League match ups for this week.

Yankee Doodle Dandy Tattoo vs. Puck Hawgs
No game can have a good outcome where Matt Whiton (Voodoo) faces off against Dave Chongo (Hawgs). You have first against worst in this early match up and Voodoo can only hope that at least 2 players are on the bench as subs while the Hawgs lay down the bacon as the league's top team. Hawgs by 4.

Irwins vs Funky Pickle
Is there anything right about this? A pickle green bike with "Dill Pickle" written on the side of it using a Sharpie marker? Its a good thing Mark Massa (Irwins) donated the basket for the front, while Jake Anonson (Funky Pickle) volunteered to pose with it! Nice glasses Jake. Irwins by 2.

Alien Hockey Vs. Cup O' Kryptonite

Since there has been some heated games & strong rivalry between these two teams, they wanted to take an opportunity to help out a good cause this weekend. In a unified front, the two teams decided to sell some of Matt Johnson's famous coffee, with an Alien flavor. The recipe took a light roast blend of coffee and flavored it with mayonnaise, garlic pepper & a touch of gin to create an ever so special kick. The money raised went to help the "I Heart Bacon" Foundation. A huge thanks to Matt Haynes (Alien) for making the fabulous table sign, and Chris LeFleur (Alien) for providing the decorative gourds & blue tape. Seen here is Laura Stein (Kryptonite) pouring the coffee, while Mike Pedersen (Kryptonite) sports his Cubs colors while eating a Bacon Wrapped Chocolate Ball as Chris Hill (Kryptonite) looks on. Cup by 1

4th Annual Adult Turkey Tourney

Its that time of year where we start making our plans for the holidays. What relatives will be coming over, who's bringing the cranberry sauce and what teams are playing football on Thanksgiving Day. According to Wikipedia:
The Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys have played home games on Thanksgiving since 1934 and 1966, respectively, in a series called the Thanksgiving Classic.

Adult hockey is on that same track with owning the day before Thanksgiving and having its 4th Annual Adult Hockey 3 on 3 Tourney this year.

Here are the details.

When: Wednesday, November 24th
Time: 5:30 - ? (games end approx 10:30 PM)
Where: Bucs Arena
Cost: $45
Includes: 4 games guaranteed, tourney jersey & pizza

Format:
We put up a foam divider all along the red line. 2 teams play cross ice in a 3 on 3 format. 4 teams are playing at the same time since each set of teams is on one side of the divider.

Games are (2) periods that last 15 minutes each (running clock). There is no icing or off-sides. If a goal is scored or a goalie freezes the puck, the attacking team must back out to a "respectful" distance in order for team to bring the puck out.

Teams are broken up into 2 divisions where 3 round robin games determine the rankings. After these games, the teams are seeded and play based on their ranking.

Teams are created by me after all players are registered. I attempt to make the teams as even as possible and the teams are created random in an effort for players to play with people they normally wouldn't play with.

With 4 teams playing on the ice, the other 4 teams get to watch, socialize, eat & drink. The lounge is open and 2 waves of pizza will be delivered for all to enjoy (included in fee). The bar will be open for drink purchases. Beer, soda & Gatorade will be available.

IMPORTANT PART:
Anyone who has played in this event will tell you it is an absolute blast. What makes it fun is that it is not taken serious from a competitive level. Players with varying skill levels have an opportunity to play with each with no pressure of being a superstar. Most recently, teams have added the ever popular "Goal Celebration" contest where players that score have to come up with creative ways to celebrate. I've said this many times, but it seems as though the teams that have the worst records seem to have the most fun.
Click here for past blog entries of Turkey Tourneys.
http://alienhockey.blogspot.com/2009/11/2009-turkey-tourney-results.html
http://alienhockey.blogspot.com/2009/11/burn-off-those-caloriesearly.html
http://alienhockey.blogspot.com/2008/11/turkey-tourney-is-back.html
http://alienhockey.blogspot.com/2007/11/burn-off-turkey-picks.html

Don't hesitate if you are a newer player. Most of the better skilled players look to help & assist the new players.

Teams are capped at 6 per team which means we only take 48 players & 8 goalies. With there being no league games on that Wednesday, players will want something to do. The fact that most are off on Thanksgiving Day also allows players that normally can't stay and socialize to hang out later. Registration has already begun and we are filling up, so don't delay!

You can register 2 ways.
Pay using Paypal or a credit card using the link located at the top right of this blog. You can also pay via check (payable to Alien Events) at Cup O Kryptonite Coffee & Comics. For directions visit www.cupokryptonite.com

Don't Forget every player gets a FREE jersey included with their entry fee custom designed by none other than the famous Aaron Clutts!!!

Calling All Beginners

So you've watched hockey on TV, or gone to Bucs games or maybe have kids that play the sport and you wonder what it would be like to play.

"I've never skated" , "I'm too old to learn" or "There are no beginner leagues" are some of excuses or reasons I've heard from adults as to why they won't start playing hockey. Well there are no more excuses!

Currently, we have a true beginner adult hockey league that is in session. The league is currently in Week#4 of a 9 week session. We have 30 players and most are skating for the first time as adults. There are 10 women in the league and the age range of players is 14-50+.

The group has practices/games on Sundays at 2:30 - 4:00 PM and it consists of 45 minutes of practice and a 45 minute scrimmage. We work on skating, passing & shooting drills and during the scrimmage we focus on positioning and game play.

Our goal is to have a 4 team Novice league once this 9 week session ends. The beauty of the league is a player can join at anytime. We will prorate the fee and are encouraging all newcomers to join. We need to have at least 40 players at the start of the next session which will most likely start on November 14th and run 20 weeks. Game times will be at 2:30 & 4:00 PM (still on Sundays).

At a minimum, come out anytime to Bucs Arena and watch the league practice. Once you see it, you should be able to say "I CAN do that." If you have any questions about league structure, costs, gear on anything else, email me and let me know.

If you are already a player in any of the other leagues, use this as a way to recruit your friends, neighbors and co-workers into hockey.

Hope to see many new faces on Sundays!

A Goodbye Tribute to Shane Bast

As many know, most of my posts are sarcastic, humorous and most of the time fictional. This post is not.

Many probably know that long time Alien Hockey goaltender, Shane Bast & his new wife (just got married this past weekend) will be moving to San Antonio. Although a great move for them, a big void is left in Des Moines with Shane & Jen's departure.

My goal with this final farewell is to not take away the positives of their move, but to shed some light on Shane and what he has meant to hockey in Des Moines. Most people reading this have either played with or against him at some point in their hockey careers. However, many may not know the man behind the mask as Shane is not the bragging the type, but his heart was all about the game and all who played it.

I met Shane at our Alien Hockey store years ago. He was the team rep for the ISU Hockey Team and was bringing me some merchandise to sell. On one of his visits, he decided to try on some goalie skates. We talked about his playing experience at which point he said "none". Needless to say, he bought the skates and left the store. Mikey & I were puzzled as to why someone would just buy goalie skates and "decide" that they wanted to be a goalie. We figured nothing more of it and felt like we would not see him again. After several more visits to our shop and buying all the gear, we realized he was making a serious attempt at being a goalie. As we were forming our first C League team, we did not have a goalie and talked about possibly giving Shane the spot. Here was a person who supported our business and was dedicated enough to get all the gear WITHOUT having a team, the decision was easy. As they say in stories like this, the rest is history.

Shane has played with an Alien Team ever since that day (even through the dark years of Alien Thug). He has also subbed for just about every team in C League, has played A, B & D, played in the Iowa Chops League and almost every single tournament or event we have put on. Shane never discriminated and subbed for anyone needing it. He's had days where he played several games in a row because that's what needed to be done. I remember a day when a player on our team emailed me prior to a new season starting immediately after Shane's first season with us. The theme of the email was that our team was very good and could be even better if we found a different goalie. As politely as I could, I said our goalie situation was just fine, but the player sending the email could find a new team to play on if they wanted to.

Shane has been an instrumental player in getting our group to travel to Las Vegas 3 years in a row. He worked for me in our shop, helped me take the store apart when we closed, helped move it into PS Sportszone, and helped me there as well. He learned to sharpen skates and become a goalie advisor to many of our customers.

For Shane it was never about winning. Although he frequently got upset at himself (and broke many sticks early on), he never pointed a finger at another player and never said a negative word to his teammates. After each game, the process was the same. If we won 5-4 or lost 10-0, Shane was always socializing afterwards. The game, was after all, just that... a game. He was more concerned and focused on the fact that he was able to be friends with so many great people.

He attended camps like Champions Hockey Academy, he held season tickets to both Chops & Bucs, he has been a regular at the D League, helping me run drills and giving newer goalies advice. For Shane, this was not a hobby, not a form of recreation & not a way to showcase his skill. It is a lifestyle that he lives & breathes. Why else would a person help run practices for youth hockey. He was a regular at my kid's practices as well as Adam Lowells. He was the big "teddy bear" guy out there with no kid of his own, yet putting in the effort as if all the kids were his. He helped out at in the equipment area of the Iowa Stars/Chops and even went to Detroit with me for a hockey trade show.

Beyond the hockey, Shane & Jen attended just about every non-hockey event we put on. Whether it be a Bishop's night out, Dylo Family BBQ or a Blomquist pig roast, Shane & Jen were there. Again, not out of necessity, but out of the friendships he created. Other activities like Fantasy football and paintball were things he did with the all his friends and hockey happened to be a common bond that brought it all together. He took NHL figures and repainted them by hand to an exact replica of each one of his Vegas teammates the first year we went. It was detailed down to the gear we actually wore...and he asked nothing for them in return. He made the D League Trainer's Trophy that we still use today without a request from anyone to do it.

Players both young & old know Shane. As much as he likes to joke, pick on and antagonize others, he truly enjoys playing with everyone. My kid has had many an opportunity to not only skate with Shane but be around him off the ice. Young players like Ann Huyck & Scott Kelley have had an opportunity to not only get insulted by Shane, but also to get words of encouragement. My belief is that its not always about how much you know about the game, but rather how you can make others feel good about their progress, and Shane is always their to help lift someone's spirits.

With the passing of the torch (or goalie stick) by Shane to our new Alien goalies, many things can be said. Dan Bishop tries to fill the skates of an Alien Legend. Although we believe we cannot "replace" what Shane brings to our team, we do know that Bishop will help carry on his legacy (after all, Bishop was Shane's Best Man). Also in the wings, we bring in a newcomer goalie of Lisa Nissen. Here is a person that shows a similar passion for the game as she bought all the gear and jumped right in last season to a D League team. When Shane first mentioned to me he was leaving, we discussed who a good replacement would be and Lisa's name came up right away. You can bring on the most skilled skilled goalie to your team and play extremely well, but if they don't fit in with a fun personality and relaxed attitude, how much fun will it really be?

In would not be fair to end this story without a thanks to his new wife Jen. Coming from a hockey family myself, I know the time, commitment and strain hockey can put on those around us. Jen has not only supported Shane in all his hockey activities, she also encourages it. Through the countless games she has attended and even through the "surprise" gifts she has purchased him, Jen is there every step of the way. For this, the Alien crew, significant others & all players thank you. To show that Shane has a soft spot in his heart for Jen as well, I need to share this quick story. One day on my way to a Chops League game, Shane calls me to ask if I can find another goalie. It being short notice, I said I'd try. My thoughts were that his job took him out of town that day and he was not making it back in time. I came to find out that Jen lost her job that day, and Shane felt it was more important to stay home with her for support and miss his game.

The soft side of Shane came out again at his wedding this weekend. Although he was his sarcastic self throughout the wedding ceremony and most of the reception, he showed his emotion through some tears during a video presentation. The pictures of him & Jen growing up as kids and ending with a short "goodbye" segment from his Alien teammates, even got to him (and most of us). My purpose for this blog entry is not to create any more tears as it's already difficult enough for Shane & Jen to make this move and for us to lose a great friend. Rather, I wanted all to see the side of person that has become a regular fixture at both rinks and know that good people like this do exist and that hockey brings us closer together. Who else would skate the morning of his wedding with 20+ of his closest friends and make an entrance to his reception through an archway made of hockey sticks?


As your defenseman, teammate & most importantly your friend, I say thanks. Not for your goaltending, but for having the huge impact on all the hockey player's lives you have come in contact with. You will be missed and never replaced.

Picking the Brain of a Hockey Player

These games are getting tougher to pick each week. Every team has a dark horse that could shine like a yellow light (its the brightest color as the average human eye sees yellow at 555 nanometers wavelength the best).

With that, I decided to interview the "Dark Horse" from each team that plays this week to get in their head and see what they're made of this week. I asked them all the same 3 questions:

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to?

2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing?

3) What do you eat before your hockey games?

Irwins Vs. Puck Hawgs

Michael Johnson of Irwins

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to? Lisa Schumacher of the Hawgs
2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing? Sorting my collection of rare paper plates
3) What do you eat before your hockey games? A shrimp egg roll, 10 cheeze-it crackers and a Yoohoo.

Larry LePera of Hawgs

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to? Nobody is as good as me.

2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing? Playing in the NHL

3) What do you eat before your hockey games? Rusty nails and kerosene.

Ouch....Puck Hawgs by 5.

Funky Pickle Vs. Kryptonite

Rod Bragg of Pickle

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to? Shane Bast

2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing? Competitive dominoes (I was a HS state runner up in 96)

3) What do you eat before your hockey games? Whatever i can grab off a table up in Bucs Lounge

Mike Pedersen of Kryptonite

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to? Mike Dylo (we have the same first name you know)

2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing? Probably playing A League

3) What do you eat before your hockey games? 2 organic chicken breasts, side salad (no dressing) and maybe a Myoplex Power Shake.

Watch for M.P. to tear it up. Kryptonite by 2

Alien Vs. Voodoo

Nate Brand of Alien

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to? Yes. I do like carrots.

2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing? I would say 14, but I think it may be 18

3) What do you eat before your hockey games? Correct.

Don Mudge of Voodoo

1) What player in the ABC league are you the most similar to? Matt Whitaker

2) If you weren't playing hockey in the ABC League, what would you be doing? Working as a legal assistant for Matt Whitaker

3) What do you eat before your hockey games? No comment.

This is a toss up. Alien wins 4-3 in a shootout UNLESS Whitaker shows up, in which case he gets the game winning goal in regulation.

Ice Hockey Players Can Walk on Water

With 2 weeks in the books, the ABC League is underway. Several tight games have already been played and rivalries have been resurged. Don't let the goaltending faces fool you, or the team names throw you off, its still the same easy going band of goofballs as last year.

Many have asked "How long before you make your predictions?" I will not deny that I made the correct choice this year in Sin City by choosing the Blackhawks to win it all, and although I am now $40 richer, I can still give all those uneducated fans some of my infinite wisdom when it comes to picking a winner.

Game 1 this Wednesday will showcase the talents of the "New & Improved" Puck Hawgs as they face the stamina of Yankee Doodle Dandy. Although no player should be bigger than the game itself, there are rare moments where all the focus is on one person. It's a Favresque type story where a player is deemed as a "has been" only to land with a bitter rival. This master of menace is none other than Sergey Kozak. Last season, Kozak took the Hawgs into the playoffs with a masterful performance in the last game of the regular season. Although the team did not move on to claim the Fleming Cup, Kozak still showed his veteran prowess and shined like a flashlight. Unknown to him, Gannon & Schumacher of the Hawgs had different visions of the future. After dealing stars Beede & Houlihan to Alien in the off-season, it was evident that changes were on the horizon. Hudson loses his starting goaltender job and gets demoted to defense, the overrated Sindelar brothers get sent to the minors and a huge paycut by Bartak to keep his 4th liner winger spot was just the tip of the iceberg. While all this shuffling like a Caesar's Palace Poker dealer take place, Kozak sits patiently by the phone waiting to re-sign. Although he is optimistic, he realizes after 2 games of the regular season that he will no longer be a Puck Hawg. As he is packing his bags to fly out of DSM to play for the newly created Iraqi league, his agent calls and gives him the good news. Yankee Doodle Dandy steps up to fill a void and signs the old veteran to a 1 year deal. "We felt 19 guys on our paid roster was not enough" stated Whitaker of YDD. "With Kozak, we should field a bench of 2-3 players each week."

So now the washed up, has been, under appreciated Kozak looks to show up his old team. With YDD fully backing their newly acquired antique, they are ready to put it the rebuilding Hawgs. YDD by 2.

What do you get when you take a pinch of Alien and mix it with a Cup O Kryptonite? Not sure, but it sounds cool to say. The second game of the night also puts a spot light on 2 players instead of on 2 teams. The goaltending battle between Bishop (Alien) and Anderson (Kryptonite) can be described with one word.....expensive. These two have battled it out for the most money spent on gear for the last several years with no end in sight. Bishop boasts that his leg pads are made of 100% West African Black Rhino hide. Research shows the following:

Probably extinct by 2006.IUCN: database entry.Scientific name:Diceros bicornis longipes.Photo source (Wikipedia).
In 2006, intensive surveys were conducted to locate any surviving West African black rhinos in their last refuges in northern Cameroon. After 48 field missions, no signs were found of their continued presence, although evidence of earlier poaching remained. The IUCN issued a news release in which the chairman of the African Rhino Specialist Group stated: "As a result this subspecies has been tentatively declared as extinct."

Bishop would not confirm or deny the rumors, but many have stated that through his extensive travels, he had hunted and captured the last remaining Rhino and has enough usable hide to make several more sets of pads.

Not to be outdone, Anderson's mask has taken many pucks to it without any visible signs of wear or markings. The strength lies in the material of Boron Fibre. Boron fibres predate carbon fibres as high-modulus reinforcement materials. However, boron has largely been replaced by carbon because of the high cost of the former. They do not differ greatly from glass fibre in tensile strength, but have up to five times the modulus. As the purpose of reinforcement is generally to stiffen, this is a great advantage. Because of the high price, their use is generally confined to niche markets, where its modulus advantage over carbon fibre is essential. Although never confirmed, the mask value is estimated at $167,000 (without the paint job).

As the war of the wallets continue, the game is evenly matched. Shootout with Alien winning on a Keller goal.

By the time the last game starts, most players will be in bed, or at the Ridgemont drinking their 6th pitcher debating why everyone is cheering baseball highlights that are replayed on ESPN for the 9th time within the hour. Funky Pickle Vs Irwins should be an easy ticket to grab from a scalper outside the building. With future ABC League Hall of Famers like Curran, Bragg & Scholz playing for the Pickle , anyone can get a glimpse of what is becoming known as the CBS line. On the otherhand, the Swift, Anonson & Dunn line must be tolerated as these 3 may potentially be the worst line in league history (aka S.A.D. line). Irwins isn't too shabby with their talent either...if you can keep track of who they are. With 3 Nicks & a Rick, a Rich and a Rech, 2 Radcliffs and 2 Hrabaks, this team is a statisticians & play by play man's nightmare. With Maxwell out of the Country on conspiracy charges, the Irwins team becomes Irloses. They are no match for the most famous Cherry Picker in West, or the newly self appointed and crowned champion of Kuub, Josh Feathers. Although this game goes 0-0 into the 3rd period, Pickle unleashes a vinegar fury by setting loose newly acquired Mark Massa. He scores a hatty in the 3rd and leaves it as a final 3-0.

Greatest Golf Outing ......EVER!

I tell this story many times and some think that it may even be a mythical legend falsely created by many beer drinking hockey players after league games, but I assure you this story is true.

As I was sitting in the office of my old hockey shop working on an adult league schedule I read an email from Scott Anderson. it basically stated, "It sucks that we don't play hockey the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Everyone is off the next day so we could socialize later into the night. A tournament of some kind would be cool."

And so, the 3 on 3 Turkey Tourney was born from the loins of myself & Anderson the Great Hockey Idea Pioneer of the Century.

That being said, who better to come up with a Golf / Hockey outing for all adult players in the Des Moines area? Once again, Anderson outdoes himself and has created BLOGDAM (Beer Leaguers of Greater Des Moines Annual Mulliganvitation ).

"But Joe, I don't play golf" is what some may be saying. I ask, does it really matter? Most of you don't play hockey well, yet you still go out and make believe you are Ovechkin on a good day. This event is about what Scott & I believe that our leagues should be.....friends doing stuff together. If you can walk, drive a golf cart & drink beer then you MUST attend this event.

The event is a Scramble format which means you can be a terrible golfer (or never even have golfed before) because your teammates will carry you just like they do during your poor defensive play on the ice.

Saturday, October 2nd.

For $50 you get:

18 holes of golf with Cart
Lunch after the Outing (turkey, roast beef, or ham sandwich - chips - cookie)
2 drink tickets during the outing
Keg beer (Keg will be tapped an hour prior to tee time outside. After your round it will be waiting for you in the clubhouse). Yeah, that kicks some butt.
Raffle entry for any proceeds made from the outing.

There are prizes, contests & more, so you seriously cannot miss this event.

To register you must go to:

http://www.toadvalley.com/BLOGDAM/

I know this Blog entry did not do the details of this event any justice. There is so much more to know that you need to see Scott's detailed entry here:

http://beerleagueblogger.blogspot.com/2010/09/are-you-too-good-for-your-home.html

Events like the 3 on 3 tourney, clinics, camps, leagues, Bucs Games & this Golf Outing do not happen without hard work, ideas & those that put them together. But in order for these events to be successful, we NEED players to actually participate.

Hope to see EVERYONE there!

Free Tip Sheet for Fantasy Hockey Players

I get so excited right around this time of year. A few of my hockey buddies and I get together each year (3rd year now) and do the unthinkable to all hockey purists. We play Fantasy Football.

That's right, 8 of us spend 3 hours drafting through 16 rounds of QBs, RBs & kickers. Countless hours of research on what Defense to take, and what round to do it in. Even the creativity behind the team names we choose requires an intense passion for competition. Jersey Shore Creepers is Lowell's band of misfits. He commissions our league and plays the "know-it-all" role, yet he won the Toilet Bowl last season (7th out of 8 teams). The only team worse than that would be the "Under-Estimators" lead by Mikey. The remaining 6 teams include: Morbo's Marauders (Knipper), Brand Country (Nate Brand-how creative), Mitch Kumstein (Clutts), Blackhawks (Mark Dylo is not fully on board with the whole football thing), Beastman (Bast), and Green Snap (My team named after a crop insurance endorsement you put on field corn).

If you've made it this far through this blog entry, I commend you. Most of my millions of die-hard followers would have stopped after the "We play Fantasy Football" entry located at the beginning of this article. They want to hear about hockey, not a sport where only 16 games are played in a season (that count), once per week, where plays typically last 5-9 seconds with MANY commercials in between. I am not hear to disappoint. The Fantasy Football topic segues nicely into Fantasy Hockey.

Browsing through Barnes & Noble or Borders (not for comics Johnson, so relax), I notice countless books on helping you draft the 15-1 Fantasy Football team. I scan past the Muscle & Fitness, Aviation Weekly & JET magazines to finally find a handfull of Fantasy Hockey Guides. Although the selection is not the greatest, I still find the one I want (why in the world do you put Stamkos on the cover?) and get ready to head out. Wait a minute, I forgot one other important item and that is the ever elusive 2010-11 Fantasy Guide to ABC League Hockey. Not only is it elusive, it is non-existent. Unfair. How does Ben Hudson determine whether or not McCallum is a great pick-up as a defensemen this year for his fantasy team, or another over-rated Canadian?

So for all you skating statisticians, I give you some advice and guidance to help make your Fantasy C League Team better than ever.

The first thing you need to know is that scoring for Fantasy ABC Hockey is much different than the traditional point systems in most NHL leagues. Sure you get points for goals & assists, but its those "other" categories that make or break a Fantasy Season. Here is a breakdown of the Top 10 rated players in the ABC League and why they're stats will give you that much needed value.

10. Tres Hewlett (Puck Hawgs)- 5 points per game are given to a player for every game they sit on injured reserve. That's making bank on this pick.

9. Dave Green (Cup O Kryptonite) - Each player gets their BAC (blood alcohol content) checked after the game. The higher the level, the more points earned. Look for an easy 0.2 - 0.4 per game from this consistent player.

8. Aaron Clutts (Alien) - Each time a player trips on a break-a-way opportunity without the help of an opponent earns 10 points. Clutts is capable of 16-18 of those per season.

7. Dane Maxwell (Irwins) - You think goal scorer right? Wrong. Points here are earned at a rate of 1 for every minute late to a game. No Brainer on this one.

6. Kacy Reeves (YDD) - Most leagues give bonus points for shutouts. We give them to a goalie if they lets in more than 8 goals in one game. In a 30 week season, I'm betting 10+ games.

5. Justin West (Funky Pickle) - Some leagues track +/-, we track DFG (distance from goal) measured in feet. Once a puck goes into a corner, the defending team's furthest player from the puck (aka "the cherry picker") gets point for how far away from the play they can be. West has been ranked #1 in this category last 6 years in a row.

4. Dan Bishop (Alien) /Scott Anderson (Kryptonite) - You can't go wrong with either netminder in this category. Points are awarded for every $100 spent on new gear within a given season. Look for between $14,000 - $18,000 spent individually depending on winter road conditions to Minneapolis.

3. Nathan Pirie (YDD) - Virtual unknown and new player to league will amass many points in the category of borrowing equipment. Between borrowing a jock every game and sharing gloves on line changes, this sleeper will make any Fantasy team a contender.

2. Brian Hobbs (Funky Pickle) - Being ambidextrous in hockey earns MAJOR points. If a player scores 2 goals (shooting forehand) with both a left handed stick & right handed stick in the same game, they earn 50 points. If you've never watched Hobbsy transfer hand to hand during a game.....its amazing.

1. Laura Stein (Kryptonite) - With most leagues, a player's +/- is an excellent indicator of their strength on the ice. In our league, it's no different, other than points are awarded to players that are the most detrimental to their team by allowing goals when they are on the ice. Stein's minus 147 was the worst ever in D League last season (even compared to a horrendous minus-82 by Bill Mikkelson of the 1974-75 Washington Capitals which is an NHL record) should earn any Fantasy captain all the points they need to dominate their league.

Well there you have it. I just saved everyone $6.99 at the newsstand, and maybe even added a little extra in your pocket by moving your team up in the standings and taking a share of the big pot we all play for. Watch throughout the season as I add my "Sleeper Pick of the Week" to help give you that extra push towards greatness.

Wood Stick Anyone

Are you left-handed? Do you like the feel of wood in your hand? Then you just hit the jackpot!

The stick you see pictured above are all brand-new, left handed, premium grade wood hockey sticks.

I have several curves, and to get you an idea of height, the black ones on the far right of the picture are the tallest at 67" high.

The best part is, I only want $6.00/each!

So if you like the traditional wood stick, want a stick for messing around, don't want to spend the big bucks on a composite, or need extra firewood, then don't pass up this great deal.

Let me know via email if you want any (or all ) of these.

First Game Predictions

With my exceptional prediction record from the last several years, I have decided to market my betting line picks on the open market and charge for my services. This software will be available on Amazon for the low price of $49.99.
The benefit of playing in our ABC League allows registered players to get these picks at no charge. So here are Week #1 predictions...enjoy.

Alien Vs. Irwins

The first game of the 2010-2011 season pits Irwins & Alien. Once again, Goodman captains Irwins "New & Improved" team this year. With the powerful force of the Radcliff Family joining the team, Irwins is a front runner for a shot at the title. Goaltender Daniels returns for another season after spending the Summer in Norway, working with the National team's goalie coach. "He showed me how to use my glove", stated Daniels. " He said if I actually open my glove, I have a better chance to catch it."

Williams & the Harbak duo have also been added to the roster which should strengthen that teams beer drinking ability, but not much more than that. With Lasnek & Maxwell returning to score all the teams goals, they should have a strong showing in Week #1. Goodman's incentive of a free bike to all players for every win should go a long way to motivate his players.

Team Alien loses its 1st and only goaltender in Shane Bast on October 1st. He will be playing the first few games, so the team is motivated to win a few games in his honor. The off season acquisition of Beede & Houlihan makes the Alien Team stronger than ever. "We brought Houlihan over to get more offense going", remarked newly elected Captain Fascian. "I'm still not quite sure why we got Beede, but I think he was part of a multi-player package." Mikey & Knipper both signed million dollar deals with CCM & Bauer respectively and are promoting their manufacturer's new skate line. "These skates #u%&'n hurt" cried Mikey, while Knipper proclaimed that his feel like the Elmo slippers he has at home.

LeFleur was brought back after much debate. "He wasn't producing last year and he's at the tail end of his career", stated returning power forward Adam Keller. "We thought we'd give him another chance to show us the LeFleur of the 1980s. The main core of Alien remains and although not glamorous last season, they still found a way to NOT win a game in Vegas.

Alien wins the season opener by 2.

YDD Voodoo vs. Cup O Kryptonite

As YDD unveils their new jerseys for the season, it is apparent that offsetting expenses is way more important than actually playing hockey. Gone are the days where their single season sponsors included: Yankee Doodle Dandy Tattoo, Atlantic Coco-Cola Bottling Company, The US Army, O'Douls and Sham-Wow. Now team captain (and attorney) Matt Whitaker looks for every opportunity for a revenue stream. "We feel that there is no reason our jerseys should have any blank spots" said Whitaker. "We even offered to put the Irwins logo just between Tuja & CCM for a mere $1200, but they declined". The loss of star defensemen, Nick Dawson, puts a big hurt on the YDD team. The young highly drafted Nathan Pirie will need to fill those shoes earlier than YDD expected. With only 7 total games of hockey played in his career, he will need to develop very quickly. The enforcer role has been filled quite nicely as well. Dave Miller (played for the now defunct Punishers) has been added as a replacement for the always feared Kristin Zorich.

Cup O Kryptonite knows they have a target on their back..but they're ok with it since they are shooting back.

The "guns" of Current, Hill, Dean, Paoli & Johnson (ok maybe that was a stretch), are all back to bring even more pain to the rink and run over anyone in their way. This team is the perfect example of what "reloading" means. New addition Paul Knight comes from winning a championship team in his prior league. Laura Stein also joins the Cup O K team, but forecasters predict this as the biggest bust of the season. "She didn't perform as well as expected this past Summer when I drafted her" remarked Brian Gugat who captained the Summer team Laura played on. "I advised against taking her to the Cup team, but I guess now we will be linemates." The Cup team does lose some talent with a new netminder as well. Outside of a few differences that include speed, agility, skills, endurance, passion, work ethic & good looks, Scott Anderson is slightly similar to retiring goalie Blaine Barker. They both wear leg pads, a goalie mask & have goalie skates....beyond that nothing.

YDD wins this one by 4 in a game that Anderson wishes he would have sat out.

Funky Pickle vs Puck Hawgs

Why not, Weird Apple or Eccentric Cat Food or Strange Cactus? Funky Pickle? The Red Alert team now goes by the new team hoping for better marketability. Foam pickles to wave in the crowds, stuffed pickles for give-a-way nights and even the ever likable "Peter the Pickle" mascot to entertain the kids are some of the attractions you will see. "Red Alert is soooo 2009" yelled Dave Swift. "Everyone loves a good funky pickle!" Although the team name may be humorous, Rod Bragg's shot from the point is not. The return of Jake Anonson was a surprise to all and should help the Pickles to another shot at the title. "We didn't think the judge would shorten his sentence that quickly" answered a smiling Tony Hansen, captain of the Funkies. "He still can't be within 100 yards of any retirement community, but we're trying to let the past be forgotten."

Puck Hawgs were well on their way to show all other teams that they were the team to beat until the loss of Dave "The Cannon" Gannon's thumb during an exhibition game against the Kansas City School for the Blind. Dave attempted to block a shot with his bare hand and it took his thumb clean off. Even though Krultz finally learned what off-sides was, Tres will make at least 16% of the games and Hudson takes his atrocious play out of the net and into a forward position, the team will be 0-9 until Dave is cleared to play again.

Pickles by 2.

Good Luck to all!