Lacrosse In Des Moines

With no hockey down at Wells Fargo, Lacrosse may be the next best option. If you haven't seen this played, its about as close to hockey as you can find. Great speed, team play, checking & some cool plays. See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9Zytgixk6g

So here is an opportunity for you and your teammates to get together and do something as group. Contact Jason Evans @ jevans@iowaeventscenter.com to get a group deal. There's no reason we can't get a big group of hockey players to attend this great event.

For more info on Lacrosse in Des Moines or how to get involved, check out this site. http://centraliowalacrosse.sports.officelive.com/default.aspx

Pa Pa Paparazzi......

Puck Hawgs Vs. Yankee Doodle Dandy Tattoo Voodoo

With both teams coming off dominating wins last week, this will surely be a great match up. "We're a solid team" claims Griswell of YDD. "Just feed me the puck and I'll do the rest." As the stats show, Griswell boasts 5 goals and a big ZERO for assists. On the other hand, YDD assist leader Whitaker shows his team support with 6 helpers on the season (either that or as the captain he's claiming points he's never earned....you decide). Then there is no debating the non-producing Monty Brown (0 pts). Early season rumors have Brown going to the Puck Hawgs mid-season for a player to be named later and a bag of Fritos. Expect a big game out of Toomey on the scoreboard, while Ambrose locks up the back with some solid defensive skills.

The Hawgs come full circle this week by getting their matching socks. "For the past 6 weeks, everyone's called us losers, fools, chumps, dog meat, ugly, weird and much much worse", stated Gannon. "Now I know most of it's true, but dog meat?...c'mon." There are no superstars on this team. With the point distribution being almost even across the board.....wait...who am I kidding. Could they really win without Sindelar? "Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me", sang Sindelar last week as he taunted the Kryptonite boys in his stellar performance. Hidden behind that talent are a few other stars like Tessau (0 pts), Kavan (0 pts), Schumacher (0 pts) and T. Sindelar (you guessed it...0 pts). Bartak & Kozak are ready to take the winning streak to two.

Too much to handle with YDD and all of Whitaker's assists. YDD by 2

Red Alert Vs. Irwins

With the HUGE upset win last week over Alien, goaltender Hansen feels invincible (as he should since he faced 100+ shots last week). "Tony just bragged all night about how he won that for us" sighed Kent of Alert. "He gave us no credit and made us feel like garbage". Tony even went as far as calling West who happened to be on a safari in Africa that week. "I couldn't believe he called me after the game" stated a shocked West. "He said I never needed to come back since he could single handedly win every game." Much tension within the Red Alert ranks as Miller, Swift & Henson all come to rink dressed so they don't have to share a locker room with the big headed Hansen.

Irwins took a tough loss last week to the first place Voodoo. "I knew it was going to be bad when I saw Koenig holding a Voodoo doll of me during warm ups" mentioned Wheeler of Irwins. Anthan & Hanke are ready to step us leaders of this team and get the sinking ship turned around. "I want all on the team to feel like men" boasted a confident Anthan. "It wasn't right watching Holloway sob like a 3 year old in the arms of his wife after the game." The acquisition of Smiley has made a slight impact, but not the BOOM the team was hoping for. "I knew he was overrated the minute we got him" laughed Lasnek. "With a name like Smiley what did we expect!"

Tough match this week, but the big heads of Red Alert prevail! Alert by 3.

Alien Vs. Kryptonite

Redemption is on the line for the final game of the evening. After an embarrassing 7-1 defeat the last meeting, the Alien guys want some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. "Shane better play like he cares this time" proclaimed LeFleur. "Last time it almost felt like he threw the game." The Alien roster should be in full force again for this match up. "With every player in attendance, we show our commitment to beating this team" declared Bishop. "Well I guess it would be nice to have Blomquist not show up so we don't have that extra center when he's out there." Team Alien has put all their faith in 1 player...Mikey Dylo. Not for his great skating ability, but he holds the responsibility for creating the lines for this match up.

Kryptonite on the other hand comes off a disappointing loss last week. The defense of Dean & Hill were more like Torvill & Dean (figure skaters for those who don't know) in the last game. "Pathetic.....absolutely pathetic" cried Close. "We could have skated 3 forward and no defense that entire game and the score would have been the same". Schneiders agreed and felt like he did not play his best game. "I miss the captain Johnson" sobbed Schneiders "Is cheering for his beloved Yankees more important that playing your hockey game?!" Green & Huyck should have a strong game and look for points for both of them.

In the end, Shane falters, Mikey is asked not to do lines ever again, Bishop has to perform CPR on himself and Kryptonite wins by 2.

Give Me Grief

Busy week and I waited until the last minute to make predictions.

So they will be short since its 5:30, and I still have to get the stat sheets printed.

Even though these are short, they are still accurate. Believe dat!

Alien vs. Red Alert
No brainer. We beat them once and we'll do it again. Alien by 2.

Tattoo Voodoo vs. Irwins
Irwins coming off a disappointing weak knocks the Voodoo down to reality. Irwins by 1

Cup O Kryptonite vs. Puck Hawgs
Kryptonite has lost 2 in a row. The slide continues. Hawgs by 3 (even without Tres)


Sorry for lack of details, quotes, humor, etc. I have come up with a resolution to my dilemma of getting this done. We have approx 97 players in league. If each player pitches in $516, I can afford to not work my regular job and dedicate myself to running a full time adult league. Just think, $516 breaks down to $1.41 per day. That's equal to that cup of coffee you get each morning, or that donut that you really could do without. Ask yourself, what's more important, a liquid wake up drink each morning, or loads of hockey value and entertainment for a year!

Where's Superman?

Last week, I was a PERFECTO 3-0 on picks. A typical week for me as usual, but I'm not going to brag about it just yet.

This week's games are interesting match ups, but I have to start with the late game first.

Cup O' Kryptonite Vs. YDD Tattoo

This weekend was the first ever Pucks & Poker event, where those in attendance got plenty of ice time & an opportunity to show their poker face. Kryptonite's very own captain, Matt Johnson made an appearance in net and afterwards told me he actually hurt his ankle while going down the stairs at the arena. He said it was pretty swollen and would likely miss this Wednesday's game in order for it to heal. Didn't sound too far fetched, until I saw the picture to the right. Yes, you guessed it, Matt Johnson in disguise at a Superman Comic Convention in Argentina. This photo taken by my insiders was from the parade last night. Sorry Matt, the phony beard and leather studded gloves to hide the tattoos won't work on me. Your team loses tonight just for that! Tattoo by 2.

Puck Hawgs Vs. Red Alert

The Hawgs came off a bad beatdown last week, but are ready to roll this week. Team superstar, Mike Bartak of the Hags (pictured below) is already growing his playoff beard. "I know we're gonna make the playoffs, so I thought I'd prepare early" stated Bartak. "It takes some time for it to grow in just right." On the other side, you have a team that made the perfect YDD team get their first loss. This win had great rewards. Tony Hansen & the Battista Bros took a week long tour of Europe promoting their team's new book "1001 Great Hockey Plays", while the team's top cherry picker, Justin West graces the cover. I think Red Alert continues their streak and takes this in a close one. Alert by 1.

Irwins Vs Alien

The season opener had Alien win over Irwins 7-3. This match up offers a whole new look. With the blockbuster deal of Smiley going to Irwins (Kryptonite did not want to match the contract offer) and the addition of star defensemen, Jim Goeke, the Irwins team earned their first win last week. Alien brings 15 strong this Wed, and they also come off a big win last week. "They skate like baby eels in a bathtub of olive oil", professed Bishop of Alien so eloquently. To which team spokesmen, Scott Blomquist added, "We are drinking after the game tonight...right?" Irwins truly wants to take this to a 2 game winning streak, but can they do it against the Aliens....I believe so. Irwins by 2.

How to Create Hockey Nicknames

You will most likely never hear an NHL player yell to their teammate "Hey Ovechkin, I'm open, pass me the puck!" or "Nice Save Khabibulin". Saying a player's entire last name is just too much of a mouthful. Instead, players in hockey all have nicknames. I'm not talking about a nickname that looks good on paper like The Dominator, The Great One or Super Mario. I'm talking about those that you can quickly and easily spurt out of your mouth when on the ice to get that players attention.

Kaner, Buff, Chelly, Mule, Ovi & Hemmer are more like it. There are a few simple rules of thumb & ideas you need to follow:

• Can not be more than 2 sylables
• Take first sylable of last name and add "ER" (Patrick Kane is Kaner)
• Add an "S" (Chris Pronger is Prongs)
• Simply take first sylable of last name (Dustin Byfuglien is Buff)
• Add a "Y" or "EY" to either first or last name (Patrick Sharp is Sharpy)
• Put a spin on name using rules above (Brian Campbell is Soupy - like Campbell's Soup)
• Some shortened version of first or last name (Sidney Crosby is Sid and Evgeni Makin is Geno)

This being said, ALMOST anyone can have a nickname. Here is what everyone will be called from now on in ABC League based on rules above.

Alien

• Jeremy Knipper - Knip
• Mike Dylo - Mikey
• Chris LeFleur - Leffy
• Brendan McCallum - Macky
• Scott Blomquist - Blommy
• Nate Brand - Brando
• Joe Bafia - Baf
• Mark Dylo - Marky
• Mike Fascian - Facer
• Adam Keller - AK
• Gene Kelley - Geno
• Aaron Clutts - Cluttsy
• Matt Haynes - Haynser
• Dan Bishop - Bish
• Adam Lowel - A-Lo
• Shane Bast - Shane-O

Irwins

• Dane Maxwell - Dane-O
• Pete Anthan - Petey
• Bill Goodman - Goody
• Dave Lasnek - Laser
• Rob Wheeler - Trucker (as in 18 Wheeler)
• Chad Beyer - CB
• Brent Hanke - Hanks
• Gary Holloway - Holler
• Michael Johnson - MJ
• Jeff Kennedy - Pres (as in JFK)
• Nick Place - Placer
• Kurt Potthoff - Harry (as in Harry Potter)
• Jon Rech - Wrecker
• Ryan Smiley - Smiles
• Jim Goeke - Gokes
• Todd Garrett - Todder

Kryptonite

• Brook Current - Brooksy
• Richard Huyck - Hitch (as in hitchhiker)
• Brendan Barker - Barks
• Christopher Hill - Hillsy
• Scott Kundel - Kundy
• Tim Close - Closer
• Adam Schnieders - Shneedz
• Adam Edgington - Edge
• Brad Dean - Dean-O
• Dave Green - Greeny
• Brian Gugat - Googs
• Matt Johnson - Matty
• Mike Pedersen - Petey
• Ben Paoli - Pazer
• Blaine Barker - Blaine-O

Hawgs

• Nick Sindelar - Sinder
• Mike Beede - Beeds
• Mike Bartak - FiveO (as in police)
• Howard Hewlett - Tres
• Sergi Kozak - Kozy
• Mike Kielty - Kilts
• Nataliya Dudechenko - Dude
• Pat Hoolihan - Hooly
• Austin Dagenais - Dags
• Dave Gannon - Gans
• Rick Kavan - Kaver
• Lisa Schumacher - Nike (as in shoe maker)
• Terry Sindelar - Block (as in cinder block)
• Matt Tessau - Tesser
• Ben Hudson - Bay (as in Hudson Bay)

Red Alert

• Mark Battista - Batty
• Justin West - Westy
• Josh Feathers - Dobbie
• Brian Battista - Batts
• Dusty Beenan - Beener
• Tod Dunn - Dunner
• Jim Kent - Clarky (as in Clark Kent)
• Casey Miller - Caser
• Dave Swift - Swifty
• Rod Bragg - Braggs
• Scott Brueck - Bricks
• Paul Curran - Pauly
• Joe Henson - Henny
• Brian Hobbs - Hobsy
• Mark Scholz - Scholzy
• Tony Hansen - Hanser

Voodoo

• Dan Toomey - Tooms
• Matt Whitaker - Whitty
• Nick Dawson - Creek (as in Dawson's Creek)
• Ben Griswell - Grisley
• Tim Lewis - Timmer
• Ross Posegate - Poser
• Mark Loverude - Rudy
• Jason Wolf - Wolfy
• Kristen Zorich - Zorro
• Ron Ambrose - Amby
• Nick Giunta - Gin
• Dan Koenig - Dan-O
• Caleb Harrelson - Woody (as in Woody Harrelson)
• Monty Brown - Brownie
• Natasha Kucherenki - Ashton (as in Ashton Kutcher)
• Kacy Reeves - Kaser

As of now, these names must be adhered to. Any misuse of these names will result in a 3 minute penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct. Changing your nickname is only permitted with the approval of the ABC League commissioner & the Canadien Mounted Police Chief.