Hockey Players Play Paintball

So Mark Dylo has a baby shower, and in typical Alien Hockey fashion, the guys decide to go off and celebrate this momentous occasion with a friendly game of paintball. Rather than go play hockey, or watch the playoffs (oh yeah, the Blackhawks already won the Cup), we thought some team bonding through the use of weapons was a good idea.

We arrive to the field to check in our group as Mark has reserved a private field for us. After a few minutes of negotiating, Mark decides its better to not play on our own field but rather join the other players that are already there and mix our forces with theirs. This becomes the equivalent of being placed in general population at a prison. As Brendan buttons up his collared shirt and Bast adjusts his Crocs to make them a bit tighter, the players NOT in our group polish their Bob Long M-Tac Stage 2 Tactical Paintball Markers (the equivalent of the Bauer Vapor TotalOne Skate) as we take the standard grade rental guns and one-size fits most masks to the field.

Game one has our group broken up, and as I make the long climb up the hill with Bishop of the side we will defend, Bishop says "we've got this". Famous last words. The ref blows the whistle to begin play and our job is simple. We basically stand guard at the top of this hill spraying paint down below as the other team tries to advance a basketball from one laundry basket to another (don't ask). One by one, our guys behind a completely secure barrier get plugged off and all the shots come from behind us...courtesy of none other than Matt Johnson who failed to hear the rule that the other team cannot come up there. According to Johnson, "there are no rules in war".

After the slaughter, we go back to base to reload and rethink strategy prior to the next battle. Knipper begins showing off one of his many to come splat wounds. This one is a neck shot that any military person would be proud of. Haynes brings his buddies which ended up being a good thing since Haynes decided to bring his hockey stick to the paintball field and never really quite got the concept of what we were trying to accomplish.

As the games go on and we realize that running full speed through grass and mud is not the best idea, but we still have a good time. Nate's green shirt (oh no, not camo green but rather a bright lime green) was probably the best uniform. Shane, who is as mobile on the paintball field as he is in the net, decides to take the "hide in the bushes right next to the flag he's defending" approach seems to not work as well as expected. Those of us that got eliminated (even Mikey who got knocked out from a self inflicted leg shot) stand off to the side near Shane and the flag to witness the cat & mouse strategy between him and Knipper. The friends of Haynes that we thought highly of at first turned out to be premature. As one decided to charge and fire shots into the already "dead" group of us and the ref, not thinking that 10 people all standing together was obviously not a threat. Knipper does accomplish the mission of capturing the flag with a last second dive as Bast shoots frantically without a hit...or rather does hit Knipp several times AFTER the flag is captured.

One of the best parts was when Mark makes a strategic move to ambush a surprised Knipper and goes for the kill shot. Knipper raises his hands to announce "dead" when Mark sees Brendan pop out from behind Knipper. As Mark panics (closes his eyes & covers his nuts) he proceeds to open fire into the two of them and hits the "dead" Knipper again. He apologizes for the illegal act asking for forgiveness stating that he didn't mean to shoot again. However, in typical "Geico Caveman Riding the Zamboni" fashion, Nate is called over as the primary witness and says "I saw Mark run straight at Knipper the second time and I'm pretty sure he yelled your gonna die twice!"

Steven (a student at Drake that works for Mark) gets invited and Mark states that he's annoying at work so what better way to "teach him a lesson" than bring him to an Alien Event. Steven decides to bring along his girlfriend, Jennifer, at which point Brendan whispers "easy kill". Turns out these 2 ringers were picking off their opponents like Bonnie & Clyde. Although they came as a couple, they left in separate cars. During one of the last few battles, my kid Nicholas & Jennifer were asked to captain teams. Thinking Jennifer would go with the obvious choice of choosing her soul-mate, she goes after already spoken for, self proclaimed "Rambo" named Mikey. Although not a first round pick, Bast goes relative early to Team Nicholas, which he realizes later was not a wise choice. Adam Lowell gets picked to play on team Jennifer...wait....my mistake, Lowell decided to not make this event due to the recommendation of his gynaecologist.

Through all the welts, mud, team changes & rule violations, everyone left with a smile on their face. Some parting thoughts on some things we learned this weekend and some things we already knew.

• Knipper bruises easily
• Bast cannot hide behind a 1' wide tube
• Joe hates Nate for shooting him in the hand
• Jennifer was the only girl, but Haynes screams like one
• Mikey doesn't understand that you NEED co2 to shoot
• Bishop will be investing in his own gun, better quality paint and lessons
• The Canadian military called and said they don't want Brendan
• Nicholas learned to not listen when told to go 4 against 1 and he's the 1.
• Johnson didn't appreciate getting shot in the butt
• Steven dislikes Mark now even more

Some of the above was TOTALLY true while other items were completely fabricated...you should have been there to know the truth!

Puck Preaching

Happy Sunday Morning!

As I sit at Cup O Kryptonite drinking my weekly Mate Latte, waiting for my religious hockey buddies, I figured I'd preach from the hockey pulpit and shed light on the current hockey news.

Speaking of Cup O Kryptonite, they became the first ever ABC League Gabe Fleming Cup Champions. In a convincing win over Red Alert, they ended the season as regular season champs and took home the hardware on May 19, 2010. Congrats to all the Cup players and to all teams. The season could not have turned out better if I scripted it in advance. With terrific competition & very few issues, the inaugural season was a huge success. Have a great summer and hope to see all back in the fall!

There are some that just couldn't end with the ABC League and wanted to continue their hockey fix. For this, the Summer Scramble was created. A short 5 week season that will play twice per week begins today. We chose 4 new captains and through a well scouted draft, they picked their teams one by one. This session combines players from both the C & D leagues in hopes of scrambling up the talent and teams. Playing twice per week should provide the fix we need before the ice comes up in Mid-June. Good luck to all and hope the league turns out "sunny-side up"!
A previous blog entry confirmed my confidence with the Blackhawks as I showed my support by putting my mortgage on the line by betting on the Hawks to win the cup (well maybe it was only $10). As I watched Friday's game with 2 other fans (Mikey is a die-hard while Adam has his doubts at times), we saw a young fiery Hawks team show that nobody can contain them. Niemi proving he can hang with the other big names that aren't even in the playoffs (ala Brodeur, Luongo, etc.). So in religious fashion, today the die-hards (and yes probably Lowell too) will be watching the game at the Ridgemont and Mikey is even bringing a broom.....now that's confidence!

Have a great Sunday and make sure you don't shave your playoff beards yet!

The Season Finale

After 32 weeks of hockey, we end our inaugural season this Wednesday. This season ends with some great memories and on this Wednesday night, the final match ups are played.

In the 5th place game, the much improved Irwin's team will play the talented Puck Hawgs. Both these teams did not have a game last week and should be fired up and ready to play. "We hated not playing last week", said captain Beede of Hawgs. "You should have seen how angry Lisa got at Joe when he said we don't get to play." The picture below of Lisa & Beede was taken by a fan right after the team was informed they were not going to play last week.

Although I understand the player's frustration, we still need to remember to keep out emotions in check. Even newcomers to our league like Adam Krultz (of Hawgs) was in shock. "I know they're my teammates, but a trade to another team may be the right move for me", stated Krultz. "I know I'm the best player out there and I'm sure someone wants me."

The Irwins team also comes into the game having missed last week. Several players traveled to Europe to play in an International event. This was a charity event to raise money for goalie Daniels in an effort to upgrade his gear. "He doesn't have much padding and I'm sure it hurts when he gets hit", observed teammate Wheeler. "He doesn't even wear pads in the 'you know where' region". Here we see a team photo of the Irwins players making the trip to Germany.

Left to right: Dave Lasnek, Gary Halloway, Ryan LePera, Bill Goodman, Michael Johnson, Jim Goeke, Rob Wheeler & Todd Daniels.

The match up for 3rd place pits Voodoo versus Alien. Here we have 2 teams that actually felt like they had a shot to get to the championship game and were quickly shut down by the #1 & #2 seeds. The Voodoo game was relatively calm since Matt Whitaker decided to keep his hands to himself. The Alien game last week was as close as can be, and even went into a shootout. An incident did occur between 3 players, but over this past weekend they settled their differences in a friendly game of underwater hockey.

Pictured: Brook Current (#11 in Red) fights for the loose puck as Dan Bishop (dark suit bottom of pile) attempts the steal, while Ben Paoli (#8 in Red) comes to his teammate's defense.

The final game has none other than Cup o Kryptonite playing Red Alert for the Fleming Cup Championship. 2 of the finest captains take their teams to the ice at 9:45 to determine the best of the best. At the beginning of the season, there was debate on what to call this championship and the idea of the "Barista Cup sponsored by Starbucks" was quickly nixed by Johnson of Cup. The name was too close to Battista and although Matt hopes to one day open a Starbucks franchise, he wasn't prepared to have them sponsor the event.

Red Alert has prepared for this game their entire season. Although this is their first season in the ABC League, it is not their first year of playing hockey together. This is actually their 3rd year as a group and they have previously played in the Sioux Falls Competitive National Development League and the Minneapolis Elite Semi-Pro League. This Wednesday, they also debut their 3rd edition Red Alert video game. "I think we are proud of the game this year. I'm sure all the kids will love it" proclaimed Curran of Red Alert. "I'm happy that they used Dave Swift on the cover as he's deserving of that honor."

So, no prediction, no humorous comments, no surprises on this, the final blog entry for the 2009-2010 season. Just a professional writing trying to shed some informative light on what we refer to as adult hockey. Good night & good luck.