As another ABC Hockey League Season is on the horizon, many players get prepared to start playing again. Dusting off helmets, sharpening skates & washing the cat urine out of their goalie
equipment are a few things happening to prepare for the season.
There is a select few that not only play the sport each Wednesday, but also compete on an intellectual level as well. They take this league very seriously and take it to another level. These are Fantasy C League Players. Yes, they get together before the season starts and draft their fantasy teams from the ever growing pool of untalented, beer drinking, ex-bowler hockey players. It is for this reason alone that I put together a pre-season player evaluation. A short descriptive list that analyzes each player's strengths, weaknesses or lack of talent. It is this list that becomes a guide for the few that hope to assemble the most elite team of misfits that ever played the game we call C League Hockey. So here you have it.....
Aaron Clutts - The only way this guy will make the top of any list is because of his first name. 6th round choice at best
Adam Keller -The best pick of all the Adam's. Strong left-winger and drives a big truck
Adam Krultz - If your team needs a non-defensive cherry picker, you can't go wrong here
Adam Lowell - Choose him and hope you don't have a split second need for a guy to jump the boards
Adam Schnieders - Worst of all the Adam's. D League ran out of space, needed to move up.
Andrew Lee - Great 3 on 3 player, 3rd line center at best in a full game situation.
Andrew Mellein - Solid reputation in pick up games. Throw in a ref, score & rules....lost cause
Ben Griswell - If he stays healthy, loses 40 pounds and learns to skate...maybe a 2nd round pick
Ben Hudson - Transitioned from goalie to player. Didn't need to skate as much in net. average defender at best
Ben Paoli - If you're looking for speed, power, finesse & a scorer's touch...look elsewhere
Ben Truetken - Goalie - Probable top pick with the talent that's out there
Bill Goodman - If they only put skate blades on bicycles. 4th rounder, trade away for pick next year
Bishop/ Topliff - Pick one, get both. Or pass on them and hope someone else gets stuck with 'em
Brad Dean - His stats from the 7 leagues he plays in don't count for this league. Tired by the time Wed rolls around
Brendan McCallum - Most overrated defender in ABC league...but he wears a mean clearance t-shirt
Brent Hanke - Nicknamed "Hanke-r-chief" for all the crying he does when someone steals the puck from him
Brett Damos - hasn't played in 19 years and still uses double runners. Choose him and it's a long season
Brian Gugat - No fantasy points given for missed games. Choose him for many goose eggs throughout the season
Caleb Harrelson - Style points given for roller hockey pants. Should be available in 7th round
Chad Beyer - Gritty defenseman...when playing NHL 2k8. 5th rounder
Chris Hansen - "why are you sitting on that chair in your underwear with a bowl of jell-o and a bottle of Jack Daniels?"
Chris Hill/Paul Knight - This dynamic duo is good for a few points...if beer drinking was a category
Chris LeFleur - don't let the name fool you. He's not that good. 3rd round at best
Dan Hickey - after 4 reconstructive knee surgeries in one month last season, should be good to go. 1st round pick
Dan Hoy - 1st name 3 letters, last name 3 letters, 3rd round pick...can't go wrong here
Dan Koenig - Need a tattoo? Pick Dan. Need a good hockey player? Don't pick Dan.
Dane Maxwell - What a show -off. All flash, no passing ability. If you want Deion Sanders, take Dane
Dave Chongo - 1st line RW. Mad Skills & team player. 1st rounder.
Dave Gannon - Read above. Now think opposite.
Dave Green - Last name describes him best. He's all about the contract, not the stats.
Dave Miller - Meet him in the parking lot...Grizzly Bear. Meet him on the ice...teddy bear.
Dave Natale - Released last week from prison just in time to join ABC league. Penalty minute points will carry your team
Dave Swift - "Swift?"...not so much. 7th rounder
David Ross - Great locker room guy. Buys beer for everyone. Good for team spirit. 2nd rounder
David Stember - Solid centerman. Glass jaw. One punch...he's down.
Don "Doc" Mudge - "Doc"....of what? Do they give a PhD in lazy skating?
Dustin Gordon - More like "Flash Gordon"...breakaway speed good for many points. 2nd rounder
Dusty Beenen - Although not very good, plays 10 minute shifts so bound to get points.
Jason Wolf - Could be most over-rated player in C League. Save your pick and pass on this one
Javi Rodriguez - newcomer needs to prove that he belongs in C league. Contract year, grab him early.
Jeremy Knipper - He wont score a ton of goals, but he will carry your keys and wallet to bench
Jim Goeke - Great players to add. Plays out and can also go in net. mediocre at both, but a good pick regardless
Joe Bafia - As if the top defenseman even needs to be reviewed. A League was full this year...again.
Jon Rech - They don't call him Jon "The Train" Rech for nothing. Great enforcer to add in 2nd round.
Josh Feathers - Gets many points, many wins, wait, this isn't Kubb. 8th rounder.
Justin West - what? he's back for another season. If you want a 19 year C League vet, take him.
Kacy Reeves - Goalie good for 18 wins this season...i mean whines. draft him as a 3rd string back up
Kuzynowski / Nissen - Goalie duo. If they played together in net at the same time, MAYBE they's make a save.
Larry LePera - Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Good 2nd rounder.
Laura Stein - IR - Even though she's on the IR, she will still score more points than Matty J.
Lisa Schumacher - Captains a D League Championship team, on a C League Championship Team, consistent ...1st rounder
Marc LePera - Wishes he could play like dad...always in the shadow. 4th round at best
Mark Dylo - Could this be the year this Dylo shines? nope. 5th round.
Mark Loverude - He can land a plane, but can't land a pass. 6th round
Mark Ramsey - Another newcomer. Take a chance, draft in 3rd. Then you can trade him for a 6 pack if he doesn't pan out.
Mark Scholz - Every year ranks high, every year a bust. Sad career. 6th round
Martinson/Cashman - Here may be a dark-horse duo to grab. Although no significant skills, could be a gamble worth taking in 3rd round
Matt Johnson - Why do we even put him on the list. If he's still available by round 15, take him for entertainment value
Matt Whitaker - I guess the Matts don't fall far from each other. Which Matt will get picked last this year?
Max Blend - Goalie - Very intelligent, level headed & consistent. Not what you want from your goalie. Late 9th round
Mike Bartak - Says he models his game after Toews and Kane. Maybe when they're sleeping. Late 6th round
Mike Beede - Need a beer drinking pal? Not much for fantasy points, but great entertainment.
Mike Dylo - Getting married this fall. Pick him up 1st round then get ready to trade him mid-october
Mike Fascian - At 6'-10", he's a force....to be drafted in round 9.
Mike Pedersen - This guys skating is like Bobby Orr...if Bobby Orr was wearing Pedersen's jersey
Mitch Stein - Another Stein? Likely go on IR after week 6 to join the family
Monty Brown - He'll pass you, score on you and then sue you for looking silly. Good 3rd rounder.
Nataliya Dudechenko - Furry gloves, make up on, french sewn jersey. If looks were worth points, she'd clean up, but they're not....7th round
Nate Brand - He can do backward crossovers while skating forward. Most interesting man in C league. 1st rounder.
Nick Giunta - His +/- is best in league. grab him early and trade for a goalie.
Nick Hrabak - Likes puppies, dark chocolate & the movie Bambi. Should be available in 4th round
Nick Radcliff - Medical reports show that drinking a 64 oz mug of 5-hour energy before a game is not good. Draft him with caution.
Nick Worth - Good for 2-3 goals per game and another 2-3 assists. consistent and another Top player in league. draft early.
Pat Houlihan - He can skate circles around himself. Not really around anyone else. 5th round.
Paul Adams - Youngster who thinks he knows it all. Rude awakening coming. 8th round
Paul Curran - After helping Obama win the presidency, Curran ready to be a hockey player again. 2nd rounder.
Pete Anthan - Wild card. Could be good, could be great...could make you cry and stay up late.
Rich Cohan - Cooks a mean pork chop...not much of a fore-checker. 6th round
Rich Hrabak - Stock is rising since he trained this summer in Sweden. 3rd round
Rich Hyuck - Worst "Rich" of the 3 available. No caffeine? What's wrong with you?
Rick Radcliff - Great locker room presence, bench presence, but not ice presence. Keep him on your bench if you grab him
Rob Wheeler - Fastest guy in C League....to the lounge after game. 5th round.
Rod Bragg - Last name says it all. All Bragg, no brawn.
Ryan LePera - Another LePera? If he was only 1/2 as good as his brother. 9th round.
Scott Anderson G - Headcase, crazy, obnoxious & mean-spirited. That's who I want in net. 1st rounder.
Scott Jacobson - LeFleur brought him into league...and will wish he never did. 9th round.
Scott Kundel - Don't let his lack of speed and finesse fool you. he will make goals on accident. 2nd round.
Shaun Greene - A force to be reckoned with. Led all forwards in African Hockey League last season. 2nd rounder.
Shon McDonough - Had to customize 2 bobsleds to get him skates that fit. dangerous! 2nd rounder
Terry Sindelar - Coming out of retirement to prove to himself that he should have stayed retired. 5th round (at best)
Tim Close - After his 16th attempt this year of trying out for NHL, he is back again to dominate C league. 1st rounder.
Todd Bentzen - If you think the cage on his helmet is scary, you should see his face. 3rd rounder.
Tom Kirvin - Tom "The Bomb". ...as in his draft ranking....9th round pick
Tony Hansen - Here is a goalie who thinks he is a player who thinks he should be a goalie who really isn't that good at either. 6th round
Tony Toigo - If this was a fantasy baseball draft, you'd still go in the 8th round.
Tyler Wallace - Dominated Summer Scramble. Crack under the pressure of real games. 5th round.
Will Koch - Last but not least...well maybe last on this ranking as well...just ahead of Johnson & Whitaker though.
There you have it. Free of charge as always with no thanks needed. I create these rankings to help those who dedicate their life to fantasy sports since reality is a scary place for them.
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