With the 3 on 3 Turkey Tourney fast approaching, I was reviewing my list of registered players and noticed that although the player spots were almost full, there were many goalie spots remaining. As a courtesy, I sent out a blast email to the goalies I know to remind them of this event. Rather than get a bunch of registrations, I received an email that stated:
Are you short net minders? You know...we do have a union.
At first, panic set in and I feared that this Goalie unionization could threaten not only the tourney, but also the league, pay & plays and even stick & pucks. After a few minutes of deep reflection, I came to another realization.....We don't need goalies.
Let me break it down a couple of ways. How bad could not having goalies really be? Here are all the positive impacts to our sport if we did away with goalies.
- Ice time - If a team chose to leave an open net, by rule (NHL Section 2 Rule 5.3), they can skate a 6th player. This allows us players to skate more and get more bang for our buck.
- Locker room - A goalie typically takes up the same amount of locker room space as 2.75 players. By not having a goalie, the players have more room to spread out in an already crowded environment.
- Excuses - With every goal scored, players are bombarded with reasons from the goaltender as to why the goal was scored. Less discussion with the goalie would create a faster flow to the game.
- Stats - Utilizing a "Shooter Tutor" as a goalie would bring the game scores to more realistic levels. With the goalies in our league, teams are forced to play a 1-4 style of hockey (1 offense and 4 defense to protect the poorly skilled netminders).
- Emails - 91% of all emails in our league come from goalies. Suggestions to the commissioner about reducing net size down to 2' high x 4' wide and allowing 2 goalies in net at once could be eliminated. Emails from goalies to their teammates about how they can play better defense, not screen the goalie or even to score at least 11 goals since the team's GAA is 10 could be eliminated and not clutter our inboxes.
- Stress - The worry we all have prior to every game regarding the attendance of our goalie could be eliminated. The attitude of "you need me more than I need you" every time they stroll in to the locker would be a faint memory.
- Practice time - Our warm up time is very short to begin with. We only get 5 minutes to stretch, warm up our legs, talk to our buddies on the other team and prepare our lines. Currently, we spend 4 minutes of this time waiting to warm up our goalie who is busy scraping a crease that he/she is going to be flailing around in. They stretch out in a butterfly position that they will never use in a game, point to the player they want a shot to come from, and after allowing 9 of 10 shots into the net, they skate away as if to say "I don't need any more practice."
As you can see, I do not believe the goalie's union has a skate to stand on. Heck, they usually can't stand on both skates. I'm sure goalies would love to provide a rebuttal to my argument above. Knowing this, I have already prepared what their "reasons" would be as to why they are beneficial, needed and important.
"We need to play for free" - Goalies do not get charged for adult league. They claim that the amount of money spent on their gear justifies this fee exemption. Have you ever seen what some of our goalies wear? Unless your Bishop or Anderson, most of these goalies have owned this gear for 20+ years. They spent $300 on it back in the 80s and now its value is less than Justin's West's gloves. The free ride should be over.
"Its much better to shoot on a real goalie" - If by real you mean erratic and inconsistent, then I say "no thanks". A "real" goalie saves more than 50% of the shots they face. A "real" goalie who plays the puck in the corner can usually get back into their net under 5 minutes.
"The goalies stand united in our union movement" - No they don't. Ben Hudson of Puck Hawgs realized that goalies were probably on their way out and made the switch to player for this season. Scott Anderson was smart enough to sign up for the Turkey Tourney...as a player. Shane Bast of Alien Vegas realized he wasn't needed (or wanted) anymore and decided to try his luck by moving to Texas. The Alien team then scraped the bottom of the barrel to find the only non-union goalie and brought on Lisa Nissen who had no team to begin with. Even goaltending great Blaine Barker knew this day would come and left the net (and the union) to take on a profession that might be the only thing worse than a goalie and became a ref.
"The goalies in Des Moines are the highest quality" - If Rich Pentico spent 1/2 as much time on practicing as he does on attending Eagles concerts and selling 50/50 tickets, he may be a mediocre D League goalie. Kacy Reeves would make a great high quality break dancer based on his back spins and doing the "worm" in his crease. Dan Bishop is a solid netminder....so solid, we only let him play 66% of our games. If we put both him and Lisa in net at the same time WITH a shooter tutor behind them, their save percentage may get to 85%. Tony Hansen for Funky Pickle?...enough said on that one. Justin Hillock of Hawgs is too busy flossing his pearly whites during games to focus on his surroundings. Players from Irwins have a scheduled rotation as to who goes out to Todd Daniels house to let the air out of his tires in hopes of him not making it. Jeff Mau still brags about his D League Championship win last season, but always leaves out the score of 23-22. Scott Anderson might be the best goalie in our league, and he's only here because the C League at MISF didn't want him, there was no room for a 3rd string goalie on the squirt youth hockey team, and even the participants of stick & pucks would ask him to leave the ice.
So whether it's a wooden board, plastic tutor or a 6th skater, goalies are replaceable. The goalies have no case or bargaining ability with the league, and should be content with their opportunity to play ..... for now. So to all the goalies, I give you one last reminder to sign up for the Turkey Tourney.....as it may be a last opportunity to play.
Since we are trying to get our own Adult League Reality Show, I thought it only fitting to represent each team with the best Reality Shows out there. So I present to you the 2010 Turkey Tourney Rosters, teams & colors.
