5th Year Begins and So Do the Predictions

Another ABC League season is upon us and everyone is ready to go.  I have many goals for this upcoming season (leading the league in scoring is not one of them).  I'd like to get back to what I do best and that's analyzing our league games and dominating in the predictions department.  Why not start now and show many of the new players why I'm banned from gambling on adult hockey in Vegas and 4 other foreign countries.  Here goes:

The 8-Ball don't lie.  I asked if Cup O' Kryptonite would repeat as champs and you can CLEARLY see that they will not.  The KryptoNOTs return all their players, but in what condition?  They have a returning player that will be a mother of 2. Seriously, the best she's going to do is change Gugat's diaper while he lays passed out on the bench with an empty pitcher in his grasp.  With guys like Knight, Kundel & Toigo all one year closer to 50 and a guy with a nickname of Chris "Over the" Hill, you're bound to lose a lot of speed.  So if Johnson thinks keeping this AARP group of under-achievers together is the best course of action, then we'll see them knocked out in the 1st round f playoffs.

So that being said, my predictions by Conference are:

Hops Conference
1 - Puckheads
2 - Voodoo
3 - Red Alert
4 - Alien

Barley Confeence
1- Victors
2 - Rink Rats
3 - FDM/Kyles Bikes
4 - Kryptonite

League Champions : Rink Rats

Oh, some may think I'm crazy, but I know things.  Marine-Biologist and team left winger Brad Bedwell of Rink Rats has been brewing up a concoction to get his team faster, leaner and stronger.  Mrachina comes back for his 2nd season and with a supporting cast of some new additions, this team will be tough to beat in the long run.  They won't win the conference due to some suspect goaltending, but I foresee Victors bowing out in the 1st round and the Rats winning on conditioning alone.


Now I know many used to count on me for these updates and facts along with the predictions so they can lay a few bucks down on the games, so I must give the Week #1 predictions.

Game 1 - Forklifts of Des Moines/Kyles Bikes Vs. Alien
Long name...no so amazing results.  Did the FDM/Kyles team get better in off-season? Yes.  The Forklift team of Lasnek, Radcliff & Radcliff designed and built an Alien Forklift to try and have the team scrimmage against a team of these machines to simulate what it's like to play against Alien.  Needless to say, you can't create McCallum, Bishop & Clutts in an enginering lab.  Mellein (FDM/Kyle) practiced ways to shut down the machine's circuitry, but it ended ugly as he suffered 3rd degree electrical burns and may not play in game 1. This games is close, but Alien still gets the win 4-2 while FDM/KB gets some cool toys that they can train to serve beer.

Game 2 - Cup O' Kryptonite Vs Rink Rats

Here's the highlight game of the week.  Last year's worst plays last year's first in this duel.  "We want to be the underdog" states Gavin of the Rats, "Nobody expects us to be good, so its time to show them what's up!"  Last year, the team new it was a building year.  Guys like Young, Wurzer & Whipps couldn't carry the team all alone, so this off-season they've asked for others to step it up.  New additions like Mulcahy &
Billings were brought in to get the team fired up and not make Dayton do everything by himself.  The Rats were life-less test subjects, but this year they plan on tearing through the competition.  On the flip-side, you've got guys who are in the last year of their contract, ready to retire and coming off a lucky win in the championship game.  Stein (Kryptonite) just got married and has other things on his mind, while Huyck tries to remember if he's going to play in Omaha or Syracuse this weekend in an adult tourney.  "The focus is just not there anymore" exclaimed Kirgan of Kryptonite, "Our team is just trying to do....the fact of the matter is...what was I talking about?"  As you can see, the team is falling apart and it's just a matter of time before they ask to shake hands after the 2nd period.  Rink Rats win 6-2.

Game 3 - Red Alert Vs. Voodoo

This is a tough one.  Red Alert brings in goaltender Clarke Hawbaker and his circa 1924 facial protection. Clarke wrapped up a season in the Malaysian Pro League a few months back where he was 97-1-3.  "We often played 4 games in one night, but the $6/day pay was well worth it" said Hawbaker.  Newcomers Brueck and Schroeder add some KAPOW to the lineup and each should be good for at least a hat trick per game.  Returning power man Feathers looks to lead the Red Alert team to a +.500 season this year and has just the supporting staff to do it.  Although Greene did not perform to everyone's expectations, he had a long off season which he spent with teammate Paul Curran and learned a few tricks.  Voodoo on the other hand was a powerful force and one I predicted would do well last season.  They return almost all their players and plan on being even a greater force.  "We're playing as though we're running for office" stated the team's only Democrat Dan Koenig, "You say Obamacare and we say Voodoodontcare".  The Nick-Nick combination of Dawson and Giunta are back for another year where they work together like twins separated at birth.  "We finish each other's sentences, find each other with perfect passes and even share each other's clothes" proclaimed the better looking Nick.  I think goaltending makes the difference this evening and the slight edge goes to Jason Voorhees...Red Alert 3 Voodoo 2.
 
Game 4 - Puckheads Vs. Victors

"I wish I had all the late games" stated an excited Dustin Gordon (Victors).  Gordon, an unemployed butterfly collector, likes to sleep during the days so he gets up by 7 PM to stroll over to the rink to get his weekly exercise.  The Victors team team is the NY Yankees of our league.  Big payrolls, big talent, big egos and big "fall on their face" when it counts.  The only team that has 4 sets of siblings.  LePera/LePera, Pirie/Pirie, Dudechenko/Chongo,  & Krultz/Schumacher show that family can play together...they just can't win together.  Not sure that Gannon can keep this team focused, but he's going to try.  Puckheads were another team bottom feeding last season.  Guys like Hickey & Smiley were brought in last year to help move the team forward, but the disappointment was evident after the first few weeks.  This was even more apparent when only 6 people showed up to Ryan Smiley Bobblehead night.  The team leaders of Hunt and Propst stepped it up last season when it mattered , but it wasn't enough.  "I had to bring in some young talent" threatened coach and captain Brian Pierce. "Richardson, Whipple and Devera were signed in the offseason to light a fire under some of the lazy veterans like Coffie and Chung"  I watched some of their off-season training and the military-like sessions were crazy.  I think we're looking at a good team this year.  Puckheads 9 Victors 3.

That's all for now and as always, no need to pay me for the picks, but I do ask if you win and coin from my knowledgeable assessments, just buy me a beer when you see me.